Kindness by Gill Hasson

Author:Gill Hasson
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780857087669
Publisher: Wiley
Published: 2018-03-20T00:00:00+00:00

Giving criticism. Kindly

If, however, you have to tell someone they’ve done something wrong – that they’ve failed to do something or have done it wrong or incorrectly – how do you say so without hurting their feelings, or making them defensive or angry? Nobody likes being told that they’re behaving, acting, looking or saying things the wrong way, but just because people don’t like being criticised doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.

Often, if you don’t speak up, if you suppress your irritation and frustration and if you hold back the criticism, your resentment can build up and can leak out in other ways. And it probably won’t come out kindly! It’s not easy but it is possible to give criticism with kindness; with tact and good intentions. Just like kind, honest feedback, kind, honest criticism is constructive. It involves giving a specific, positive suggestion.

Before you say anything, decide what, exactly, it is that the other person has done that’s ‘wrong’. Then think about what change or improvement you want to see.

Consider, for example, this criticism: ‘You’ve loaded the dishwasher all wrong! I’ve just had to reload it. Why can’t you do it like I asked?’ That might be honest and true, but it’s not kind. It’s not constructive. Constructive criticism describes what can be changed or improved. A better approach would be: ‘Thanks for loading the dishwasher. I rearranged the plates and bowls so that the dirty sides face the water spray. Could you do it like that next time so that they get completely clean?’

In another example, to a friend who rarely turns up on time: ‘I get wound up every time you turn up late.’ (Saying what the problem is.) ‘Can you just text me when you’re leaving home, then I’ll know when to expect you?’ (Saying what changes you want.)

And to a colleague who constantly interrupts others at a meeting, instead of saying ‘Shut up! Stop interrupting people!’, you simply say what you want to happen: ‘Please let the other person finish what they’re saying.’

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